Let us discuss something - diabetes.

We are 3 years in to this journey with JM. I call it a journey, a path, a new normal (after 3 years it is just normal now).

Diabetes, it does not play nice, it does not play fair. Just when you think that you have diabetes nailed down diabetes it will once again show you who is boss. I often tell people that it is like playing Russian Roulette or simply any gambling game.

It was not what we ever expected to have happen in our lives and especially to our first born at 13 years old. It was devastating. We had a newborn daughter that was 2 months old and another daughter who was 9 years old at the time that their big brother was diagnosed. In one swift moment, one swift drop of blood, one urine test, our lives changed forever. Forever.

Four long days in the hospital being taught how to keep our child alive. They gave us a binder chock full of information, it became our bible.  I still have it up in our diabetic cabinet after all this time. 3 years in and I still open the binder. Sometimes I need reassurance that I am doing the best that I can for my child. I look to make sure that I am doing proper protocol when he is ill or having an off day.

I was going to talk about the grieving that came with the diagnosis but I decided that I am going to wait on that. Just know that I grieved, I grieved hard, and I lost friends on this journey. The good news? I made more friends then I lost. I have other diabetic parents out there in real life and the internet who I can rely on 24/7 for support. To hash situations or emotions with, to use as a sounding board if I just feel like maybe I could be doing something better. I have also had those amazing friends who have been with me from the beginning. They have been my rock, our rock, through this. They bravely ask questions because they truly want to know. Unconditional love, unconditional friendship. They want to know as much as possible about what we go through on a moment by moment basis. Diabetes isn't a minute by minute or hour by hour or even day by day disease. It is a moment by moment disease.

The point of this post though, I get asked and I have seen it asked many times before - what do you think caused his diabetes? Parents of diabetics and I am sure most chronically ill children want to know a reason why. Isn't that what life is about? Cause and effect? I don't know what caused it specifically and I have come to terms with never knowing.

I often tell people that his body had a hiccup. It started to fight itself and in the confusion it went after the pancreas. Do I think it was a vaccine? No. Do I think that it was a cold or the flu or strep or an ear infection or something else viral? No. Do I think it was because he had soda a few days before being diagnosed? No. His body failed him. To me that is the ultimate failure. Your body fails you. It must be incredibly frustrating. What if I did know the reason he specifically got diabetes? It wouldn't change anything. What would it change? He would still have diabetes and he would still be on this journey. It would not change the outcome of his life. We focus on what is ahead of us, not what is behind us. We are to not dwell on what we can not change.

We are all in for the battle of his life. We do it together as a team. We do it together with love and support. 

Here We Go...

This right here is going to be a new journey for me. You see many moons ago I blogged and then stopped. I took a lot of time off from posting my thoughts and feelings but I have decided that once again I am going to get back on the horse. This will be kind of like therapy for me because in the end, who doesn't need some therapy?

Please bare with me as I start this journey. I know that there will be days that I have a lot to say and other days that I will have nothing to say. I will though try to put something down on a regular basis. I mean I am a mom of 3 amazing kids that always seem to bring some sort of hecticness to our lives. How will I not have something to talk about on a regular basis?! Between the teenager, the tween, and the three year old, I am certain that there will be something that can come rambling out. 

 I hope that you enjoy my new journey. This is going to be about my family, maybe even my friends, and our journey together. We are one big village and I love, laugh, and cry with each one of them.